Come What May
by Draco's Addiction
Summary: VAM. JackassHIM. Songfic. Ville's thoughts about life after Bam entered it. Disclaimer within.


**Title: Come What May**

**Genre: Song-fic, one-shot**

**Pairing: Vam**

**Disclaimer: Don't know. (unfortunately) Don't own (damnit) Never happened. (at least that we know of...) The song is "Come What May" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, because I am just pathetic like that.**

**A/N: No idea where this came from. Felt inspired while listening to the song. I would really like to know what everyone thinks about this. Comments love.**

As I stared down at my beer, my thoughts lingering on the performance that had just ended, thinking of ways to improve the show. I had been wracking my brain for the longest time thinking about more songs that I could write. Not that that was a hard task because recently I could feel that there was something missing in my life. All my songs were of love and yet... there was still a piece of my heart that was empty. I had never been in love. Maybe that was why all of my songs came off as depressing. I was longing so for this unfamiliar emotion that the only rational thing my irrational mind could think of was to compare it so closely to death.

So wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't hear the knock on the door or Seppo talking to some unknown girl telling them that there was someone from MTV here to see us. What did I care? I didn't know anyone from MTV.

Then I saw him. A beautiful creature stepped into the room. I thought my heart would stop as I saw him look around the room, a smile growing wider and wider by the second. My inside felt like they were on fire when the creature looked up at me with crystal blue eyes and spoke.

"Hi, I'm Bam."

_Never knew I could feel like this  
It's like I've never seen the sky before  
Want to vanish inside your kiss  
Every day I love you more and more_

That was years ago, dear Bammie. Long years that I've had to hide my feelings for some reason or another. It was never simple. First, there was Jenn. Nice girl, really. But I don't think either one of you would have understood if I came in one day, interrupting you two while you were snogging, saying that I was in love with you. No, I don't think that would have gone well at all. I wanted you to be happy, even if it was with her instead of me, so I sat in the shadows.

_Listen to my heart  
Can you hear it sing  
Telling me to give you everything  
Seasons may change  
Winter to spring  
But I love you  
Until the end of time_

I had no idea what to do about Jonna. I had been with her for so long. I loved her, and in a way I always would, but it would never be the same. Nothing could ever compare to the way I loved you. After she started to suspect, I saw less and less of her. Maybe she knew that nothing could change my mind. Maybe she knew that it wasn't her fault and that I wouldn't have deserved her any longer, knowing that I didn't love her like she desevered to be loved. I could never be that man.

_Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you  
Until my dying day_

Over time, I watched you change. Nothing is ever subtle with you, is it, sweetheart? Tattoos glitter over your body now, mirror images of my own. I remember when I first saw the heartagram with wings peeking up over the waisteband of your jeans. I had to exuse myself before I jumped you right then and there. I'm just glad my inhaler was with me. You definitely stole my breath away that day.

But what did all this mean? I remember the hope I had, the sheer exhileration that entered my heart when I let wishful thoughts of you wanting to be with me enter my head. Those thoughts were all that kept me going some days.

_Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place  
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace  
Suddenly my life does seems such a waste  
It all revolves around you_

But nights were the hardest.

Nights on the tour bus, rocking gently as we headed to our next tour destination. Alone. Nights in the hotel room, wishing that your warm body were next to mine. I would turn on the TV and see your smirking face. That same face would stay with me as I stroked myself to orgasm, mouth open in a silent scream calling your name. How many nights had I done this, wishing it were your hand instead of mine? Your lips?

_And there's no mountain too high  
No river too wide  
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side  
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide  
But I love you  
Until the end of time_

Songs were coming easier now. Now that I knew what love felt like.

It hurt. A lot.

I wasn't kidding when I said the fastest way to kill your heart was to fall in love because then it wasn't yours anymore. My heart belonged to you even though you didn't know it and everytime I felt to afraid to tell you or pissed away the chance to show you how I felt, getting drunk to try and pass it off, my heart died a little more. I had been right all along to associate love with death.

_Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you  
Until my dying day_

I don't know how much longer I can keep it in. I've tried to tell you so many times. I've tried to convey my feelings through the words in my songs but I guess you always just assumed I was speaking metaphorically. Dear BamBam, there is nothing metaphorical about this. Will you ever know how much I want to hold you in my arms? Will you ever know how much I was to taste your lips with mine? Feel your skin press up against mine in the most intimate of ways?

_Oh, come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you  
Until my dying day_

I sigh as I open the door. I really don't feel like talking to anyone today. On the few occasions I get to myself, I just want to be alone. What are you doing here, Bam? Why aren't you looking at me? I'm so overtaken with the movement of your lips that I almost miss your reason for being here. You shouldn't talk so fast, sweeheart, you start sounding like Vito when you do that.

I can barely believe what I am hearing from you. It's as if you took the words out of my soul and recited them to me like a poem. I love you, too, Bam. I've loved you for so long, but I was so afraid. And now you're here, telling me that you feel the same. My heart felt like it had been shocked back to life. You had my heart, my love, and now I realized that I had yours, too.

I can't help the tears that fall, especially when you look up at me after your speech, your blue eyes glistening with tears of your own. Mine are of relief and happiness, and yours are of anxiety and fear. Don't cry, my darling.

I love it when you smile. And the smile you give me when I tell you how I feel is the brightest I have ever seen. Your lips taste just like I imagined, and now that I know you've been imagining mine, too, it makes it all the sweeter. I'm never letting go of you now. I've finally got you and you've finally got me and your body feels too damn good pressed to mine. It may be selfish, but we don't care. We are in love and together. Nothing else matters now.

Why did it take us so long to come to this point? Why did we deny ourselves this type of love for so long? Why were three little words so hard to say? But, let's not think about that right now. I just want to hold you. Kiss you. Love you. Forever.

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place." I whisper into your ear as I hold you even tighter against me.

_Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you  
Until my dying day_


End file.
